Muscleheads Need Simple Explanations
by Phoenix of Starlight
Summary: Lussuria finally proposes to Ryohei after countless failed attempts, and Ryohei doesn't get how it's possible for two guys to get married. How long will it take to get Ryohei to understand?


Pairing/Characters: Lussuria-Ryohei Plot: Lussuria proposes to Ryohei. But Ryohei really doesn't get it. How long will it take for Lussuria to explain? Possible slight OOC-ness.  
>Rating: T Genre: HumorRomance Style: Oneshot, Omniscient Title: Muscleheads Need Simple Explanations Word Limit: 5000

GYAAH! I'm a week late! Ah well. This isn't a B-day fic for Luss, I guess.  
>Lussuria: A~w, that stinks.<p>

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><p>Lussuria stepped out of his room, and looked around for his teammates. For once in his life, he didn't want to be seen. He walked carefully down the halls, looking around for anyone who might stop him from going to Japan. He knew that every member in the Varia aside from himself hated EVERYTHING about the Vongola, so he wasn't too happy that the perfect man for him just so happened to be a Vongola Guardian. "Shishishi~ Look who's sneaking around~"<p>

Lussuria jumped upon hearing the voice, and turned to see Belphegor, leaning up against the wall, Mammon by his side. "You better not be planning to spend any of our money," growled the Arcobaleno, a dark expression on his face.

"N-no, I was going to use the money I earned by...," Lussuria stopped, not so sure he should tell the two what he did when he's not working for the Varia, and instead just added, "by myself."

"Oh? What are you planning to do?" asked Mammon, hopping off of Bel's shoulder and walking up close to the gay man.

"U-uh...," Lussuria stepped backwards, "N-nothing...?"

"He says it's nothing," giggled Bel, "and yet, for once in his life, he was trying not to get caught by us."

"Maybe it's cause he's all dressed up, he thinks we would think it's suspiscious," Mammon taunted, before lifting himself up to Lussuria's eye level by use of tentacles. "So what ARE you hiding?"

While Lussuria was concentrated on Mammon, the prince had snuck around and carefully slipped a shiny object from Lussuria's pocket. "Oh? Now what's this for? Ushishi~"

Lussuria blushed upon seeing the ring that Bel had found and made a move to get it back. "Bel-chan, please!" he protested, but the prince was a bit faster than him; Bel backed away before he'd even lunged to retrieve the silver object.

"Ooh, this IS a suprise," Mammon hummed, placing himself back on Bel's shoulder, "Now where the hell could you have possibly gotten the money to get that?"

"I-it's none of your business!" Lussuria told him in a panicing voice. Mammon twitched, apparently with annoyance, and reached to take the ring from his princely friend. "Really? I think it is," the Mist Guardian hissed, "because if I see that we're missing ANYTHING, even a single euro, I WILL take action."

Lussuria, despite finding the illusionist to be one of the cutest things in the world, knew that Mammon was quite the vicious baby when it came to funds. "I promise, Mammon-chan, I didn't take any money from the Varia!" he insisted.

Mammon still didn't look convinced, but tossed the ring back with a snort of contempt. "Alright, Luss, I'll let you go this time. But if I catch you spending any more of our earnings on stupid things like clothes, perfume or jewelry, you will not escape."

"You tell him, Monta," giggled Bel. Mammon rolled his eyes at the prince's favorite nickname for him, and, once again, leapt off of the Storm Guardian's shoulder.

"Don't let me catch you," he growled to Lussuria as he left.

"Shishishi~? Aww, Monta, don't feel down, why don't we go out and kill someone?" Bel called, trailing after the Mist.

"No way, we've killed to many people lately, I'm not about to push my luck," Mammon called, looking up at the prince. Belphegor grinned and began to flip a knife in his hand.

"Ooooh, Monta's scared he'll get caught~," he laughed.

"Am not, you stupid prince!" returned the illusionist, whacking Bel with a tentacle.

Lussuria sighed with relief, trying not to waste too much time thinking about how cute Belphegor and Mammon looked together, and turned to hurry along the hall before he was caught by Squalo, who would yell loud enough to alert other members; Moska wouldn't walk pointlessly around, in the first place, so he was out of the question; or worst case scenario, Xanxus would catch him, in which he'd be beaten to a pulp. Xanxus, after all, was the Varia's boss, and his hate for Tsunayoshi, the Vongola boss, was, of course, ten times worse than everyone else's. If he were to discover that Lussuria was going to give THAT and say THAT to a Vongola Guardian, he would be in a rage.

Lussuria was fairly lucky, however, in getting to the entrance door from that point on. He quietly turned the knob and opened the door which, to his utmost horror, creaked upon being opened. But, as always, the Sun was simply overreacting. No one beyond fifteen meters near the door could've heard him, and everyone was currently headed to the kitchen.

'Oh dear, I should've got up earlier and prepared breakfast before heading out,' he fretted to himself. Nonetheless, this time, Lussuria was determined enough to urge himself out the door. Once he was out, nothing could stop him. He strided to his car, which he had left outside that night, and quickly got in. He eased himself silently out of the ridiculously large driveway, and was soon on the road to the airport.

Though he still had his concerns about his teammates' getting food that morning, his heart was set on seeing the man he'd fallen in love with just a year ago, and he didn't plan on turning back. It was soon after that he arrived at the airport, and he was quick to step up to a desk. He gave the person all the information required, and hurried on to go through security. He was fully aware of the looks that he was receiving from the surrounding people, but, being Lussuria, he was sure it was just because he was 'ever-so-gorgeous'. He'd added much more effort for this special day too, he was more or less drenched in perfume and random beauty products, and was wearing a very expensive looking outfit.

If only he'd noticed that some mothers were shielding their children's eyes.

When he got off the plane, he had to take a taxi to get all the way to Namimori; after all, Namimori was a fairly small town, and there wasn't an airport in that area. It took him longer than he pleased to get a taxi, however, because half of the taxis he called didn't show up, and those that did drove off at one look at him. Some people were so confusing. Finally, after about thirty failed attempts at getting a ride, someone finally stopped for him. He got in with a sigh of relief and looked to the driver.

"Where you headed?" the man asked.

"Namimori, please," Lussuria replied, not disguising the gay tone in his voice that had driven off half of the taxi drivers.

"Mm'kay," the man sighed, before turning the taxi around and heading in the direction of the small town where Lussuria's crush waited. As they went, Lussuria hummed a gentle tune and looked out the window. His fingers played with the green bang on the side of his head, and his mouth was curved into a v-smile. The Sun was only a couple hours away from him now, and it would take a couple hours before the sun rose in Japan.  
>But, as with all decisions, Lussuria began to get nervous.<p>

'What if he rejects me? What if he has someone else already?' he thought worriedly, placing his index finger against his lower lip in thought. 'What if he thinks that I'm rushing too much?'

Now, Lussuria had tried this before on multiple occasions, but naturally, he was always held back by a teammate, or been unable to get all the way to Namimori. Then, of course, he'd be forced to turn back, his love to the Vongola's Sun still unannounced, and go make breakfast for the other Varia.

A couple hours later...

As the sun finally hoisted itself above the distant mountains, Lussuria began to really feel the anticipation. Over and over, he kept thinking, 'I'm really gonna do this.' After paying the taxi driver, Lussuria was alone in Namimori, which he didn't know any better that he knew Alaska. 'Oh well, let's make the best of it, shall we?' he thought before starting first towards the school. That was the place he knew best, due to the ring battles a year ago.

When he rounded a corner, he came to a house with a sign that said 'Sawada' on it. He soon recognized that to be the Vongola boss's house, and smirked slightly before walking up to the house. He knocked.

After a short pause, the door opened to reveal Tsunayoshi's mother, Nana. "Hello? Who might you be?" she asked, arching a brow upon not recognizing the man.

"My name is Lussuria," he introduced, "and I'd like a word with your son, please."

He felt that being impolite would get him no where.

"Oh, are you a friend of Tsuna's?" the mother asked.

Lussuria wanted to slap her and shriek over how un-cute the Vongola was by the Sun's standards, but managed to say quietly, "Y-yes."

"Tsuna~," Nana called upstairs. "There's someone here to see you~!"

A couple minutes later, the tired Vongola Sky stumbled down the stairs and walked up to the door. He was instantly awakened upon seeing Lussuria. "What the...," he murmured. "Aren't you with the Varia?" he asked, "The Sun Protector, Guardian... whatever it was... right?"

"Guardian, honey," Lussuria managed, "I'm looking for Ryohei's house."

Tsuna looked so confused, it was as though Belphegor had walked up to his house and asked to share an ice cream with him. Now that was something that could happen, but probably wouldn't.

"Uhm... oniisan...?" the middleschooler questioned. Lussuria assumed that's what this kid called his Sun Guardian; it was cute, but not cute enough to hold Lussuria's attention. "His house is... uh..."

Lussuria was getting to be impatient with the Vongola; he was taking far too long. However, it was soon before the tension was over when a loud voice, which the Sun instantly recognized, called out, "EXTREME BEFORE-BREAKFAST TRAINING!" (A/N: I used that quote in 'A Royal Meeting' too. XD)

Lussuria gasped and looked to where he'd heard the voice before glancing back at the Vongola. "Sorry, I- I got to go...!" he stuttered before running off to find the boxer. Tsuna was left groggily staring after the flamboyant Sun before he returned inside, feeling awkward.

Lussuria turned on another corner, but was so unfortunate as to collide with the person he wanted to meet. The two stumbled to the ground, Lussuria very lucky that his sunglasses were intact. When he looked up and saw Ryohei, the Sun began to panic. "R-ryo-chan, are you alright?" he asked, placing a hand on the other Sun's shoulder. Ryohei looked up and instantly recognized his Varia counterpart.

"Oh, Lussuria, what are you doing here?" he asked. Lussuria blushed upon recalling his purpose for coming to see the boxer.

"Uh... w-well I...," the flustered Varia stuttered, thrown off by the 'sheer cuteness' of his Ryo-chan using his name. Ryohei grinned.

"Wanna come over to my extreme place?" he asked, "You seem extremely tired, how long were you extremely up last night?" Lussuria mumbled that he had begun in the morning for the Varia, flown to Japan, where it was nighttime, and rode a taxi until dawn, so Ryohei quickly pulled the man to his feet. "Come on, you need to rest, extremely," Ryohei told him. Lussuria's blush darkened slightly, but there was no chance of him turning down the offer. It didn't take long to get into Ryohei's house, and Lussuria tried very hard to contain himself as he looked around the house.

'This is where Ryohei-chan eats, sleeps, and...,' he felt a shiver run up his spine, 'practices his boxing.'

"So, I extremely think you should extremely rest, but if you extremely need anything else that's extreme, don't feel shy to ask, to the extreme," Ryohei told him, arms folded, an 'extreme' smile on his face. At that moment, however, shy was the only way to describe Lussuria. There was no chance of Ryohei interpreting that deep blush that was sported on the Sun's face, but the Varia still felt a bit embarassed that he had thought everything would go so smoothly. Granted, it was going way better than he'd originally thought. "Hey, maybe we could have an extreme rematch later, when your feeling extremely better," the boxer suggested.

"Uh... sure," Lussuria agreed timidly.

"Now follow me, to the extreme, I'll show you my extreme room, since I doubt you want to sleep in Kyoko's room," the Vongola Sun said, taking Lussuria's hand in his and walking him up to his room. Lussuria, more than halfway over the moon, pushed his luck ever-so-slightly by moving his fingers between each of Ryohei's.

"R-ryo-chan?" he whispered. Ryohei's fiery, excited gaze was turned back on him, and he almost melted beneath it, but he had to comfirm what he believed Ryohei planned to let him do. "Are you seriously planning on letting me sleep in YOUR bed?"

Ryohei gave a nod and said with his undying grin, "There's no other bed extreme enough for you in this house!" Lussuria's blush darkened, if possible, before he pushed himself forward in an attempt to capture those lips for his own. When they met, it was a bit clumsy, since Ryohei couldn't figure out why the hell Lussuria was kissing him, while the Sun was trying his best to display passion in the one-sided kiss. It was soon that Lussuria backed away, and locked his eyes into the other boxer's. Ryohei, now, was blushing too.

"U-uh," Ryohei stammered. "Lussuria?" It was time.

Lussuria bent down on one knee, and drew the ring from his pocket. "Ryohei Sasagawa," he said clearly, "will you marry me?"

There was another pause, Lussuria looking hopefully up at Ryohei, Ryohei slowly beginning to look blank. "Uhm... Lussuria?"

"Could you answer me first, honey?" asked the Varia's Sun, anticipating the 'yes' more than ever now.

"B-but...," Ryohei murmured. Lussuria began to look crestfallen, mistaking the single word as a rejecction, before Ryohei spoke up again. "I- I don't get what you're saying!"

Lussuria slowly stood up from his position that was getting to feel very strange, and folded his arms. "Wh-what don't you understand, Ryo-chan?" he asked quietly.

"W-well, that thing... you did just now... why did you? I thought that... well... I've only ever seen a guy do that with a girl, which I'm not, a-and then marriage... isn't that just girls and guys too? I mean... unless you've been a girl this whole time..."

Lussuria groaned and placed his thumb and index finger on his forehead, frustrated with the world. 'Of course, poor, innocent Ryo-chan never mentioned anything purely romantic because he doesn't know about gay people!'

After a drawn out, heavy sigh, Lussuria looked back up at his blushing crush and smiled. "We need to have a talk, honey."

"Uh... okay...," Ryohei agreed, following Lussuria over to his bed and letting the Sun sit him down.

"Okay, there are three- no wait... four... basic categories when it comes to human love, alright?"

"Uh... okay...?" Ryohei replied.

"The first is what you're used to seeing: a man and a woman."

Ryohei, blushing, gave a slight nod to show that he was following this.

"The second is a person and a... err... an animal or object." Ryohei looked extremely confused by that, so Lussuria added, "But you don't need to worry about that." And he recieved another nod. "The third is... two girls, that's called a lesbian relationship." Ryohei furrowed a brow, apparently imagining how wierd it would be if his little sister came home one day and said she had a girlfriend. "And the fourth... is a... uh... a gay relationship. That's two guys, Ryo-chan."

"So... it's extremely normal for two guys to...," Ryohei finished his sentence by clearing his throat, and Lussuria nodded.

"Okay, it's not normal, but it's not bad either," Lussuria told him, before recalling something else that he had read about, "Oh yeah, sometimes there's more than two people in a relationship too-" He caught the look of embarassment on Ryohei's face and immediately stopped. "Sorry."

"I-it's extremely fine, I just can't extremely figure out why in the extreme world I never heard about all this extreme stuff," he mumbled. Lussuria smiled and messed up Ryohei's hair.

"The next time you see a rack with a bunch of magazines on them, take a good look," he chuckled. "You'd be suprised." The Varia's Sun then paused. 'Hey... I'm so comfortable right now.'

Suddenly, the two heard footsteps running up the stairs before the door to Ryohei's room slammed open to reveal his little sister. "Oniisan!" she shouted. She glanced at Lussuria. "Wait... why are you... Ah, it doesn't matter. Oniisan, what would you think if I told you I wanted to uh... have a girlfriend?"

Ryohei's jaw hit the floor, while Lussuria just did a small eyebrow lift. "Uhhhhhhhhh...," Ryohei drawled, eyes rotating 'at' signs.

Lussuria smiled up at Kyoko and said, "Oh, he's fine with it dear, he's just a bit dazed over the fact that he and I will be getting married soon." The second half of the statement flew right over Kyoko's head, because the first had sent her onto another planet. In under a second, she managed to bow, say 'thank you, Oniisan!' and fly back down the stairs. Ryohei recovered eventually, and when he did, he looked up at Lussuria.

"So... when's the ceremony... to the extreme?"

And they lived gaily ever after.

-Owari

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><p>Lussuria: A~aw! That was cute!<br>Me: Thanks.  
>Ryohei: I still don't get it... extremely.<br>Me: Figures. Please review~! Just remember, I had good intentions.


End file.
